I really just want to walk right up to you, grab a handful of hair and kiss you like I’ve never kissed anybody before. But I won’t. :/

I find it incredible that you’re even the least bit interested in me. You’re the most flawless person I’ve ever met. It’s not just the way you look, but also the way you think and talk. Your mind blows my mind. You carry yourself in the most delicate, light way I’ve ever seen. I’m in way over my head. You’re so out of my league but you’re also worth the try. Because you’re that person that’ll make me wanna kick myself in the ass in 20 years for not taking a chance at.

flightlessbiird:

(via startwalking)

I would just like to say that I really believe wishes do come true. About when I was 13, I was laying in bed looking out the window and when I found the brightest star, I wished to have a serious relationship that lasts at least two and a half years and learn a big lesson. A little after I turned 14, I met a boy, fell head over heals for him and gave him everything. We really loved each other at some point. Just yesterday, my wish’s time was up. A little over two and a half years passed and the lesson I learned was that not everyone has the same definition of forever, that promises won’t always be kept, that I don’t need a lying, deceitful, cheating, repulsive, selfish sack of shit nineteen year old boy to be happy and especially to be able to live and finally, that some wishes do come true. I’m very much okay. I’m laughing and smiling. I feel free. I have no worries. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am happy. When our relationship was doing really good, I was scared that he was the limited amount of time relationship that I wished for. I didn’t want my wish anymore. I wanted to take it back. There have been a few times that I wished to have him forever. I didn’t want a time limit on him. I wanted him for the rest of my life but he changed. I don’t know him anymore, I don’t want him anymore and I’m very much glad that every wish doesn’t come true. He is nothing to me.

Really. You cheated on me. I knew it. All the signs were there. It was time to get away from you anyway. It is a bit sad for me. Two and a half years gone. But I kind of figured just about any 19 year old guy would get curious and wonder what else is out there. Maybe we were too serious for our age but that doesn’t matter. You promised you’d never hurt me, you promised you’d never cheat or lie and you did. Along with those three promises, you’ve broken every other one you’ve made to me. I feel like a complete idiot for ever believing you and believing that what we had would last. I look at this as a really good growing and learning experience. I’m still a bit shocked. It’s almost unbelievable. But it’s real and that’s the most unbelievable thing about it. I know for a fact you’ll miss me whether or not you come running back to me, youll miss everything about me. Even the things you might hate, if you even hate anything about me in the first place. She won’t love you like I love you. Not even close. You’re one of the hardest people to love and like you said before, I was the only one who never gave up on you. Have a great life, dick head.

I’ve been sleeping alone in my queen size bed for the last 3 months now. Sadly to say, I’m getting used to the feeling and when I roll over to hold you, one of the many stuffed animals you’ve gotten me that I still keep on my bed ends up in my arms. For some reason I still think you’re going to be laying next to me when I wake up but you never are and I don’t know if you will ever be right there, warm and under the blankets with me again.

If you were to ask me for something, anything that you wanted the most, what would that something be? – Anonymous

My own apartment or something. I need a place to stay.

I’d text you but I don’t think you’d really like me to. I feel like I bother you. I can tell you don’t want to talk to me really. But I have some things that I’d like to say to you.
Everything is different now. Everything has changed.
I don’t think that you realize how much I really love and care for you. I don’t think you’re going to chose to be with me again but before you make that decision, I want you to know that no matter what you chose or wherever life takes you, you will ALWAYS have someone that loves you with everything in them. You have my heart, you have all of it. Even in a year I don’t think I’m going to have much room in it for anyone else. I’d like you to be happy.
I’m sorry if I don’t do it anymore. I’m sorry if you think I bitch or complain too much or if I get aggravated easily sometimes. I’m sorry. IF there was or is anything I could do to make you want me, I would do it in a heart beat.

But after everything we’ve been through, after everything you’ve put me through, I still want you, and only you. YOu probably don’t care about how deep my feelings for you are but it’s worth telling you and making sure you know. I love you UNCONDITIONALLY, NO MATTER WHAT.
If it were anyone else who done the things to me that you have done I would have let them go. But they aren’t you. No one is like you. You’re all I have left anymore. Everyone has gone away or left. You’re my only stability. Almost 2 and a half years is too much to throw away. I want to fight to make this work. I really don’t wanna lose you. I secretly still cry. Ever since you left me, I feel scared and alone and very empty. I never really feel ok. You are always on my mind but that’s perfectly ok with me.
When I’m with you, I feel good. I feel peaceful. I feel like all of my problems are gone and when we’re out in public, I don’t really notice anyone else because all I really see is you. You are the only one that matters. Since the day I first saw you, I’ve thought you were one of the most beautiful things on this Earth.
And the first time you held me, it felt so right. I felt like I belonged in your arms and I still feel that way. When you hold me, I feel safe and the only things that exist are you and me.
You make me laugh and smile. You make me happy. YOu make me feel whole and I feel that I’m better with you.
I want to devote myself to you and being faithful is easy. I’m not interested in anyone else. I think you might possibly be though.
Anyway, I love you. So very much. I miss you too. I miss the cuddling and the holding. I miss when you actually wanted to kiss me.
It’s crazy that 2 years have gone by so fast. They’ve probablly been my favorite 2 years of my life. I actually had someone to spend my time with, someone who I looked forward to seeing and someone to give my love to. I don’t regret anything I’ve done with you. I know we spend a lot of time apart now and that it can be hard but in about a year or even less, I will be moving out on my own, I will have a vehicle and my license and I will have a job.
Then it would be so easy for us to be together and stay together. All we’d have to do is wait. It’s not that long if you think about it.
I wish this didn’t hurt so much. :(
But then if it didn’t hurt, that would only prove that I didn’t love you and god and everyone else know that I do. The amount of pain equals the amount of love.
I thought we were wonderful together. I thought we were as close to perfect as two people could get. I thought we would really go somewhere and get married and actually be together for the rest of our lives. I thought that you were my soul mate. I really thought that. And I hope it happens.

But if it doesn’t, I want you to have a fun and happy life.
I’m sorry if I’m not enough for you. I wish I could be. I’d try if I knew what to do or change, I really would.
You have shared with me some of the most wonderful memories I will have in my lifetime and I want to thank you for that. I’m not mad at you. I’ve forgiven you for everything. It’s something that’s hard for me to do, but I have. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone like I love you. I don’t think I’ll ever want anyone like I want you.
I really think what we have has great potential and could really go somewhere.
I think you’re awesome. I think you’re gorgeous and funny and you can be smart at times. I think it’s incredible how you can drive a stick shift and talk at the same time. I’ve learned a lot from you. I’ve had fun with you. I’ve shared everything with you. YOu know everything about me. I’ve never been able to open up to anyone like I have to you before. You’re different from everybody else. You’re special.
I’d like to thank you for sticking by me as long as you did. It’s a long time for people this young but we made it work. I think you’re the only one person on this planet that would ever be able to love me or think I’m attractive and especially stay with me for a long time liike you did. So thanks for loving me and being there when no one else was. You were more than just a boyfriend. You were a friend. I could actually rely on you. If I ever had a problem or needed a ride or a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, you were there.
If I ever needed makeup or money for something, you helped me out. I really apreciate everything you’ve done for me. Especially walking and riding a bike just to come see me. I want to hold you so bad right now and kiss you and fall asleep with you in a comfortable bed.
For me, letting go of you isn’t easy. Not at all. But if I have to, I have to. If I could have it my way, I’d make it to where I’d never have to let go of you. But things like that are only in stories. I really believe that everything happens for a reson. If we aren’t meant to be, then we aren’t meant to be. I really hope we are though.
I love so many things about you. Even the thing you would probably bet money on that I don’t like.
In my eyes, you are wonderful.
I know I can say some hurtful things to you and call you names and maybe be unfair at times, and I’m sorry. I know I can be a handful and too much to handful. I know I’m a lot of work and I know I can piss you off so bad sometimes. I just want this all to be fixed and done and over with. I want us back. I want you to love me.
I remember last year when I broke up with you for about a month and you were so sad and you’d call me crying and you’d text me all the time and how you begged me to take you back.
I never said sorry. Now I know how it feels. And I can’t explain how sorry I am for hurting you. I’m so sorry, Chris. In the beggining of our relationship I promised to never leave you or hurt you and I broke that promise. :((
I’m so so sorry.
No matter what happens, I will never forget you. I will never stop loving you. I’ve forgiven you for all the hurtful things you’ve done. But I haven’t forgotten them. It’s still hard to trust and believe you sometimes. I’ve been trying so hard, but I can’t get you off of my mind. I don’t want to think about not possibe having you anymore. It’s hard and it hurts so bad. :/
But if that’s the way it has to be just promise you won’t ever forget me. :/
Please don’t forget me.
I’ve fallen in love with you. A long time ago. That love is the same and it grows stronger every day.
You’re everything to me. EVERYTHING.
I love you. Soooooooooo very much.
I hope this makes you see that you mean more than the word does to me.

Once you read this, you cried. But that doesn’t really matter right now. It’s been about 3 months since I’ve written that to you. I will never blame myself for you leaving again. That was your loss and I will most definitely never beg for anyone to stay. I can live without you. I know that someday I will find someone who will actually treat me well and love me like I love them and when I mentioned leaving you, I had a good reason and I take that apology back.

I could lay in bed all day staring at the ceiling and be very entertained just from the thought of you. You’re so different than everybody else and I find it incredibly amazing how unbelievably attractive you are. Every time I try to explain to someone how perfect you are I don’t have the words to describe you. Anything good I have to say about you is an understatement. I could fall in love with you. Easily.

I know what we have is something. Really something. But I can’t get over how you left me and because of that all April and May saw were 61 days of tears, nightmares, racing heart beats, and hours upon hours of sleep. I barely ate. I didn’t want to or feel the need to. I don’t even know if I was ever hungry because the only pain I felt was the heart brake. Other than heart brake, I was numb. I walked through the halls everyday at school crying. I did no work. I talked to no one. All I ever did was sit with my Ipod playing our song and every song that reminded me of you over and over again. Going home and just laying in my back yard with the sun beaming on me was the only time I felt just a little okay or a little at peace. I had no one. I made you my life, my favorite, my world and then in a second you were gone. It was almost like if you were dead, like the world stopped spinning and I was really convinced I’d never see or talk to you again. I was lost more than ever and all I could think about was what I did wrong and eventually convinced myself I wouldn’t be good enough for anybody and that I didn’t deserve life. I thought about taking it every single day but I was too big of a pussy to pull out a knife or swallow a few pills. Counseling helped actually helped a lot. However, I couldn’t tell them everything, because they’d think I was insane and they’d send me off somewhere. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. All I fucking wanted was your shoulder to cry on and and since you were gone, I couldn’t turn to you for anything. Even though you’re back, I’m still trying to recover and forgive but I just can’t. I’m still pissed off. I’m still resentful. I’m still bitter. I haven’t cried in about a month over this but writing and thinking about it again, is filling up my eyes with tears..and there they go. You want me now. You’re making it obvious. More obvious than ever before. You’re making it clear. No mixed signals, you’re over-using “I love you” and it’s perfectly okay with me. I’m almost positive you mean it and you’re here to stay for good. But after all that pain you cause, I’m being careful, I have my guard up and I find it harder to trust you than anybody. It shouldn’t be that way. In a way, you ruined me. I made you my everything. All I wanted was you. All I thought about was you. I based every plan of every day around you. I sacrificed family time and friendships for you. If I never would have met you my life would be so much different. I’m not sure if it would be better or worse, but it would be very different. After everything you put me through, after all the lies and mind games you played, I’m finding it very hard to feel comfortable being with you and loving you. Now I’m not sure if I want to commit. Every day I think of why you left and why you said you didn’t want me and how you told me to leave you alone and not talk to you. The reason you give me hardly makes sense. I know you didn’t cheat on me. I got to the bottom of that. I can tell when you lie so all I had to do was ask you what I wanted to know and by the tone of your voice, whether or not you pause between your words and whether or not you lack eye contact, or put your head down, I can tell. I handled the situation maturely I think. What goes around comes around and you for sure have it coming. I handled the confrontation very maturely. I was strong about it. If anyone else were to ever do any of those things to me, I’d never speak to them again but somehow you’re the only exception. And then I was doing okay. I was recovering from heart brake and you just had to text me that night. I didn’t want you then. I made that clear. So you worked your ass off for over a month to get me back. But honestly, you don’t have all of me anymore and I’m not sure if you will again. I’m scared to death of love now. Two years, six months and two days is a long time for people our age. Impressive, really and a great learning experience for me for sure, especially with relationships. I know how to compromise and reason. I know how to go about things and talk and deal with ridiculous bullshit. I’ve matured greatly. I can love deeply and I know to expect the unexpected. Honestly, I’m terrified of you leaving again because if you do, I will cut all strings I have with you. I know for a fact I can do it. It’s just so hard and hurts more than anything. You’ve had more chances than you deserve. I do love you. I want you around. I know you don’t deserve me. You know you don’t deserve me but at least you realize that. At least you’re being a better person now. I have so much more to say but I think I’ll just stop here.

I think being a flower would be nice. You’d be A-sexual. So some mean boy or girl could never hurt you. You’d help make the Earth look pretty. You’d always feel wanted and needed since the bees need your pollen to survive. You’d constantly fill the air with a lovely scent and whenever you’d get picked on, you’d be placed on a kitchen table or in the window sill under the sun to still be admired by everyone around.